for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
