I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
