Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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