woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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