We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
