All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
