Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
