yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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