I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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