i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
