dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I supernannyed him into submission
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
