She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
