Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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