sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
