I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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