Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
