I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
