he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
