Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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