he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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