I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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