The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
