his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
