Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
