I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's shark week go big or go home
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
