We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
