i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
