1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You took a bar mat shot.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize
