U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
