I can't watch pbs sober anymore
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
