I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
