She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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