Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
