triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
