the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
