The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
