I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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