Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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