We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
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