some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
