You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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