i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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