if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
