Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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