I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
