I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
