you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
