and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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