I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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