I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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